its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
