Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
