I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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