do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
the liver wants what the liver wants
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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