im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
