There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize