from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
