Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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