party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize