Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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