all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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