i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
