if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
