well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
