That's when you crack a 10am beer
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
