So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I smell stomach acid.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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