I just cut my nipple shaving
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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