So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize