nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I'm passing your future prison.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize