come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
