We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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