Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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