Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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