Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
