Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
