god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
