Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
