Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
