It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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