The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
