making cat noises will not fix the situation.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize