I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
