I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
