In the future we'll all be gay
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
