the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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