So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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