he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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