Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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