yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
