I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
