You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
