ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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