My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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