You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
