is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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