plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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