my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
