This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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