I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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