i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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