He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
