***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
