woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
