I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
