Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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