There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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