First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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