When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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