i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
