this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize