i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You were trust falling into bushes
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
