Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I got chris browned last night
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
