I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
