i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
